(Hint, They’re All Mesothelioma)
1: Feel that weird tickling in your chest recently? Waking up with a cough? Nope, that isn’t Res-Flu; it’s mesothelioma from all that asbestos exposure!
2: Do you like to spend time in the munnels? What a ridiculous question; everyone does. Unfortunately for you, those mysterious stalactites coming out of the steam lines may just entitle you to workers comp and a hospital bed. If you were working here, that is.
3: Ever wonder why those asbestos removal warning posters never seem to get taken down? It’s because the asbestos was never in the walls and steam lines; the real asbestos was inside you all along.
4: Sometimes, the food in d-hall keeps you coming back, and it’s tough to tell why. What could be the secret ingredient in those few standout dishes? No, it’s not the missing grad students – it’s a generous sprinkle of asbestos!
5: All this talk of your seemingly inevitable demise may be upsetting, especially on top of the stress of midterms. To finish off, we’ll leave you with a bit of advice. Try the munnel juice. We are absolutely sure it will fix all of your problems.