We all know that the St. John’s Campus Core Science Facility’s blue whale skeleton has brought an atmosphere of charm and whimsy to what may have been an otherwise technical and corporate study space. This oceanic giant, which hangs so placidly over the Facility’s atrium, truly allows students a moment of peace and tranquillity to escape their otherwise hectic lives and schedules. Students may gaze upon the beauty of mother nature’s most perfect engineering design—the skeletal presence of a twenty-five-meter masterpiece.
So it should be no surprise that, through a partnership with the Royal Ontario Museum, the Faculty of Science has unanimously voted to add more skeletons, starting Fall 2022. This new collection, which includes some fun and surprising additions, will undoubtedly bring even more joy to students and faculty working at the Core Science Facility.
The press release on the acquisition states that the faculty “just can’t get enough of those spooky friends,” and that students are “certain to be wowed by some of the dang cool stuff we found.” The release also included an official list of the five new skeletons set for display in the atrium, which are as follows:
A Second, Identical Blue Whale
We weren’t sure what to make of this one at first either, but the university offered an explanation for this double choice. According to a poll on local photographers, the atrium’s current whale doesn’t photograph that well in those first-day-of-MUN photo-ops. The harsh flash and LED lighting do not mix with that bone structure. Luckily, it seems that the Royal Museum has found another blue whale with five years of modelling experience to serve as a body double for pictures. Starting this fall, the current whale will continue appearing on student catalogues and exclusive beer can designs, while its double will cover artsy student photos and travel brochures.
A Timbit®
I know what you’re thinking. What? Timbits have bones? The answer is, of course, no. Domesticated Timbits, at least the ones you order at your local Tim Horton’s, are entirely boneless. This trait has been bred out of them for several decades to achieve a rounder, more non-threatening appearance. Feral Timbits, however, contain almost seventy-five small bones and joints, allowing for ease of movement and balance in their natural tundra habitat. The university aims to shed some light on the common misconceptions surrounding the Timbit’s complex biology by displaying this fascinating—although tiny—skeleton.
Human Beings
These smiling fellows have been clearly labelled “Real Human Beings” for ease of recognition. Indeed, there is no doubt that they are the very image of human skeletons. We consulted several students in residence at the MUN Faculty of Medicine, and all the right bones are in the right places. However, we advise caution when interpreting this part of the exhibit. These skeletons appear entirely made of standard plastic, painted roughly to resemble bone. Not only that, but upon approaching, one student claimed that the skeleton’s eyes lit up red, and it proceeded to utter a villainous cackle, followed by a statement warning Trick-or-Treaters that they were “in for a scare.” The Faculty of Medicine has released a statement assuring the student body that individuals are “no more in for a scare than is statistically likely in a university environment,” and to “disregard any information received in the form of an omen from the plastic skeleton.” It remains unclear whether this acquisition is connected to faculty’s recent purchase of several Halloween decorations from the local Dollarama.
An Unlabeled Pile of Bones
According to the Faculty of Science, this item arrived in a large, unlabeled box at the Core Science Facility. Upon investigation, the box contained several loose, miscellaneous sets of bones and teeth, with no clear instructions on how to put them together or if they even belonged to the same organism. Several volunteer student biologists have identified human femurs (real, not plastic) and mouse feet, but nothing that seems to connect in a meaningful way. Due to the component’s confusing nature, the acquisition is under consideration to be displayed as an abstract art piece.
The Munnel Beast
This unique display was gifted to the university by an unlikely source—a small coalition of students who chose to identify themselves as “The Brotherhood.” Named and delivered in a box, the skeleton came with a vague message stating, “At last, he has been vanquished.” The Brotherhood refused any further comment on their generous donation. The Munnel Beast stands approximately 2.7 meters tall, with long, raptor-like talons, an elongated spine, and enlarged eye sockets resembling a nocturnal predator. Its remains are in remarkably good condition, excepting some light scratching and a large, double-edged broadsword stuck in its third rib, which may have been natural damage caused by the shipping and handling process.
These new additions are scheduled to join our beloved whale this coming September, to mark the beginning of courses at the Core Science Facility. The Faculty of Science encourages students to drop by to review the exhibit and leave feedback on their experiences.