Do you remember that feeling? It’s your last day at home. Your last day before you go out into the real world, no longer coddled by your parents. It’s your last day and things feel strange, surreal even. It’s your last day so you do everything differently, feeling as though everything you do has a heavy impact. You take your last shower at home and think to yourself- this is my last shower at home. Your parents cook your favourite meal and you think to yourself- this is my last meal at home. When you change into your pyjamas and get into bed, you think to yourself- this is the last time I’m sleeping in my own bed.
These lasts– there are a lot of them. It’s a feeling you can’t avoid. You can’t control feeling sad and yet excited at the same time. It’s your last day at home! It’s your last day at home…
On the one hand, there’s the excitement attached to leaving home. It’s your time to shine! It’s your time to go into the real world and discover yourself. But then there’s that feeling of dread. Leaving home redefines the word ‘adulting’- living by yourself, cooking your own meals, and being your own parent are all tough experiences we have to encounter.
Things will never be the same. You’re never going to be in that stage of your life again. Sure, you can come back when you’re on semester break and visit your family, but things will be different then. You will have grown up and evolved. Your younger siblings or cousins will change- both physically and as people. And the hard truth to recognize is that it’s not just you who’s growing up, it’s also your parents.
The thing about change is that it’s often less apparent if you’re present for the day-to-day events. But when you experience that change all at once- it’s heartbreaking. It’s tough to acknowledge that you will never encounter the same version of a person- whether that’s your parents, siblings, friends, or even yourself – because over time, we change, grow and evolve.
Living abroad is tough. There seems to be a range of emotions people often experience. When you first arrive, there’s that feeling of starting fresh and having a new beginning. Things are so exciting! Even little things like applying for your credit card, going grocery shopping and cooking your meals all seem like fun tasks. You’re on a rollercoaster ride. Life couldn’t be better.
Yes, you miss your family back home, but hey, this is life, right? And it isn’t so bad. You get your first job and look at that, you make your own money now. You learn some lessons about money and pay your own rent and groceries. You’re independent!
And then you enter another phase. The homesickness. It rushes in and out. You start remembering all the little things from back home- having dinner with your family, going on walks, spending time with your friends from back home. And just like that, the things that were once exciting, all of a sudden, seem so negative. Going grocery shopping is now a task you avoid- who wants to carry heavy groceries? Cooking has become exhausting- it’s difficult to come up with different meal ideas and put in effort. Making your own money doesn’t feel as rewarding- working is tough and your paycheck never seems to be enough.
But then you pick yourself back up. So what if life seems hard sometimes? Feeling homesick is normal, right? You try to put those thoughts far away. You focus on other things. Spending time with your college friends, hanging out in the library and going out to try coffee at new cafes. You’re busy with life- you’re filing your own taxes, you’re networking, you’re studying and balancing it all. This is all exciting.
And then, the feeling comes back. You miss your family, you miss your friends back home, you miss the food back home, you miss the weather and the way things used to be. So it turns out you can’t get it out of your mind after all. No matter how much you try, nothing replaces that feeling of being back home.
Growing up is tough and it’s stressful. It seems as though there’s always something to stress out about. The first of every month is a stressful time- to pay your rent and bills. Keeping up with assignments while trying to do well and trying to balance that with your work life is tough. It’s exhausting having to always stress out about something. But you can’t help it.
Being foreign in a new place means having to start over. It means doing everything for yourself. Having friends who feel like home can lessen your stress and help you feel present to enjoy adulting a little bit more.
As international students, adulting seems trickier than usual. Starting a new life for yourself seems impossible. As cliche as it sounds, life is about the journey, not just the destination. Feeling homesick and stressed out is normal- but remember to enjoy your life as it is now. Remember that things will never be the same as they are today, so every once in a while, stop to look around and enjoy being a young adult who’s still figuring things out.