As kids, millennials were told their wildest dreams would happen “when pigs fly.” Well, while we don’t yet have flying cars, the reality of “all day breakfast” at McDonald’s is now real. Fans of the ultimate greasy hangover cure rejoiced as McDonald’s made this happen.
After 11:00 AM, it was impossible to grab an Egg McMuffin and some hot cakes at your local McDonald’s for most of our lives. In a way, it forced many students relying on this sustenance to get up and attend class before noon. Now, students are waking up later and later, knowing they have the option to get it at any time.
“This is absolutely true,” said Brittney Fakerton, a third-year studying probably something useful. “Every morning I knew I had to get up at ten to get to McDonald’s in time to grab a Egg McMuffin and a coffee, which I quirkily call the ‘elixer of life.’ From there, I’d make it to my 11:00 am class with no problems”
After finishing a bite of her McMuffin, Fakerton continued.
“During the first week of all day breakfast, I missed my morning classes entirely. But the second week I promised myself it would get better. But it didn’t, once I realized I could get it at any time. Even at 4 PM,” said Fakerton. “On the plus side, I didn’t miss my Math 1000 class at 5 PM. I’m taking that for the tenth time, but we all know that course is a money cash cow for MUN.”
This has not gone unnoticed by professors, including Dr. Zahara TrueName. TrueName has been attempting to bring students back to the classroom.
“Initially, when the all-day breakfast outbreak occurred, I knew it would be a problem. So I sent an email to all my students, impressing upon the importance of education, academia, and discussion,” said TrueName.
“Somehow there were less people in the classroom, so I tried something else. I pointed out how in the morning, when others were likely to eat the breakfast as well, the items would be constantly fresh. But there was always a risk that mid-day breakfasts may have been lying around. I don’t know how true that is, but it worked. I had students emailing me saying ‘Zah, you the best. McMuffins ARE still best in the morning.’ I tell my students to call me doctor, but one step at a time.”
As we were finishing this article, Brett Cynicman passed us with a closing comment.
“Yeah right, like any one is still eating that crap. People are smarter than that,” Cynicman said, as this reporter looked at his phone and saw that McDonald’s stock prices had now been bumped to a new stock exchange—WPF. When Pig Fly now measures the performance of such miracles, including the possibility of flying cars.